Krav and Kookin'

I spelled cooking with a K, so it would match Krav, get it?

No?

Alrighty then, moving on.

Well, now that the cats out of the bag about the whole "I'm not prepping thing" I figured it's time to switch gears.

I'm going to blog about WHATEVER I WANT.

HAHAHA.

Within reason, of course.

But first, I would like to say a MASSIVE thank you. To all of you.

The support I received after sharing my last post has been overwhelming. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by such supportive and loving people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This has been an extremely difficult decision and transition, and it means the world to be that you guys have my back.

I love you all <3

So, during my quest to find different goals and experiment in the kitchen, I have done just that! And I'd like to share this all with you!

I just got home after a kick-ass krav maga class! I'm sure most of you are scratching your heads reading that, but don't worry, I'm here to elaborate.

Krav Maga is a type of self-defense class! It's really amazing and a killer workout.

I'm so used to weight lifting, which I absolutely love (BAE) but I want to expand and grow as a fitness lover. So, I'm trying totally different things. Krav Maga is all body weight. I have been brutalizing a punching bag endlessly, and it's so much fun. I'm finding a love for it, and I can see myself sticking around with it.

On top of that, my best friend has been sending me links to online workout videos. So I have been engaging in those as well. If you are the person who lives in apartment 2A underneath me, you have my most sincere apology.

Those of you who know me personally know about my secret love affair.

And I think that you all know my pretty well by now too, but it's time to open up about something I love more than life.

One Direction.

Yup, I said it.

Harry Styles is the love of my life, wait and see.

That being said, Aya knows of my undying passion for this British boyband, and one of the videos she sent me is titled:

"That's what makes you Bootyful."

I'm not kidding.

Here it is:

GIVE IT A TRY! You'll have buns of steal by the time Harry finishes his last flawless note.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwVzamFR-tg

Before I have a hot flash, we can move right along.

FOOD.

So after Krav, I was ready to feed my hungry muscles!

With none other than a new recipe!

I made a healthy burrito and homemade cinnamon sugar chips!

Don't think I'm going to leave you hanging.

I'm going to tell you how I made magic in my kitchen.

So BURRITO:

In a skillet, I browned some 99% lean ground turkey, and added chopped celery and onion.

I cooked these together until everything looked nice and delicious and then I added a tid-bit of low sodium taco seasoning and water. I took the heat off and then microwaved a low-carb tortilla and refried beans. (I LOVE BEANS <3)

I put some plain greek yogurt and beans on the base of the tortilla, and added a bit of Colby-jack cheese.

I always substitute plain greek yogurt over sour cream because I get more protein for the same taste!

I also added some green salsa my dad RAVES about.

Seriously.

If you ever land on the topic of food, he, without fail, will recommend it to you.

So here's a picture of that.

If you like hot things, you'll love this. If you're like me and don't love hot things, grab a cup of water, because this is going to be a bumpy ride.

Back to that burrito.

So after I added all the extras, I put some of my turkey-veggie mix in and rolled it up!

Delicious.

The cinnamon-sugar tortilla chips are so easy to make.

Pre-heat the oven to 350.

Mix some cinnamon and sugar together and set it aside.

Take a tortilla and cut it into eight triangles and put melted butter on them. You can use the spray butter, too, that's what I did. It's too convenient not to use!

Then sprinkle the cinnamon sugar on the tortilla chips and slide them into the oven.

EYEBALL THEM.

Haha... I realize I gave you recipes with no specifics. If I have an OCDer reading this, sorry.

Winging it is half of the fun!

Well that's it for this post.
As you know, I like to end on a dramatic, heart-wrenching note.

So here's my favorite fit-spiration.

And probably yours now, too.

(Side note: If you're experiencing cardiac arrest, it's fine. I am, too. Stay on the ground until you regain feeling in your chest.)

Here's A Quick Update

Wow.
It's been a minute, I know. Sorry for my unexpected leave of absence.
So I'm just going to take a minute to slam some information on everyone.


Buckle up, this is going to be a bumpy ride.


I suppose I haven't been completely honest. I have been putting on a brave face, because I know a lot of people look to me for things fitness related, and I wanted to be strong for those we say I have inspired them.


But I'm going to be real.




Last week, I had a heart to heart with my coach.
My relationship with food is the worst it has ever been and I am more stressed out then I have ever been.


I constantly preach that you should love your body for the things it can do, and not the way it looks, and I FIRMLY believe this, but I was unable to take my own advice.


I have an unhealthy relationship with food and especially with my self-image.
Yikes.
Putting it all out there.


And this is a scary thing, being this wide open with the world.


That being said, although it was the hardest thing I have ever chosen to do, I decided to put my mental health first.
So, I quit the team.


Let me first say that is has absolutely nothing to do with my team or with my coach. Darin and my teammates are the best group I have ever had the absolute blessing to be a part of, and I hope one day I will be back on that team once I sort myself out. I can't even begin to put into words the unending gratitude I have for Darin, he was and will always be the only coach I pick.


I have been focusing on healing my relationship with food and with my body. I was lean, you guys. The leanest I have ever seen myself and it's extremely hard to see what you can look like and then realize you're no where near that anymore.
I realize that I was two weeks out from a show, and I realize being that lean isn't healthy year round, but knowing that and accepting that are two different things.


So I have switched gears.
I am the type of person who needs goals to be held accountable. With that being said, whatever goal I choose to go after is going to be solely based on what my body can do: my fitness level. Nothing to do with the way I look.
Competing is a very vain sport. While others thrive and can have balance while competing, I found that I couldn't. I was 110% obsessed with the sport and I didn't give my mind and my body the love and attention it deserves. The only thing that mattered to me was my workout and my leanness.
I have learned so much from prepping for seven months. In no way do I regret my decision to do it. I have learned so much about myself, my limits, and I have even uncovered some things that need attention that wouldn't have been brought to the surface without prepping.


If you are a competitor reading this: holy shit, you rock. Congrats for being so awesome.
If you are a regular exerciser who eats when you're hungry and hangs out with friends and enjoys life reading this: holy shit, you rock. Congrats on that balance.
If you're a bum: hey, that's cool, too. Congrats on all the sleep-gains.


One size doesn't fit all. Not everyone wants to be on their grind 24/7, some people never want to experience the grind.
And there's nothing wrong with that.


The point is, I need to find my happy.
At this point in my life, competing wasn't doing that.


So the reason I have been a bit absent is basically because of fear. Fear that I would be judged for being a "quitter" or people would assume that I just don't have what it takes, or I didn't want to work hard anymore.
It's simply not the case.
I choose not to go into depth as to why I made the decision to step back for a moment, because it's my business. I have realized that it's OKAY to not spill my personal guts out for everyone else to see. I don't need the acceptance of that douche-bag from GNC or from some guy who works out at the same gym as me, and as much as I love everyone of you who reads my blog, I know that I have to do what is best for me and not what looks the best and would impress you guys.
I started competing for me, I stepped back from competing for me.
It's for me and no one else.


Yesterday afternoon instead of working out in the three hour block in-between classes like I normally would, I sat in a really awesome café (across from the gym, so technically...) and I drank a latte while I studied for a class.
I realize that this type of scenario is totally average, but I felt so happy and content.
My boyfriend's roommate found me in this joint and comes up to me and says "It's so weird seeing you on campus."
Me: "I know, I'm always in the gym, it's weird actually being on campus."
I'm a freaking college student at an AMAZING university, and I look forward to exploring it.


People often ask me about my favorite things, what I like to do in my spare time, etc.
Let me tell you, while I love being a personal trainer and I LOVE some kickass workouts, being lean, and feeling confident in tiny spandex:
I am my happiest when I am curled up in the ball on the couch with the cat blanket my mom made me, coffee, and a book. Or hunched over my journal scribbling down the name of something I want to know more about for later. Or baking something new in the kitchen to take over to my friends house. That's where I'm content. When I pump the breaks and allow myself to feel normal again.


That's what I need right now.
So that's exactly what I am giving myself.