Today's funk is positivity.
I was two weeks away from my offseason, to MORE FOOD, to relaxation, and to some serious muscle gains. Each morning, I'd wake up exhausted but ready to kill it because I could count down how close I was and I knew it would be over soon.
But that's not the case anymore.
35 days got tacked onto that number.
35 more days of being sleepy and sipping preworkout to stay awake in class (I don't know who to blame for that one: the professor or the lack of carbs. Although the professor is likely at fault here.)
And let me tell you, although I have been fighting to be happy about the extra time to progress, a part of me is just devastated.
I'm only human.
My best friend sent this picture to me this morning. Can we all just take a second to address this hottie?
Ashley Kaltwasser. Ms. Bikini Olympia 2013.
When I look at her, I know she didn't get to where she is right now because she felt sorry for a little bit of extra hard work. She didn't reach her goals by half-assing her prep or taking the easy route. It's one of my favorite things about being a competitor.
"You can't cheat the grind. It knows what you've put in, and it won't give you anything you haven't earned."
Damn right, it won't. And that's a beautiful thing.
You know what? I would be cheating myself if I didn't look at this extra 35 days as a gift! A gift to bring the best version of myself possible to that stage! A gift to be even more proud of my accomplishments and my body.
If it weren't for this, I would have never known the value of self-love and how good it feels to love the skin I'm in.
My body is worth it.
As a personal trainer, I need to inspire my girls and let them know that this isn't a journey that ends at a destination, or a show date. This is lifelong.
It would be unfair if I were to preach day in and day out the importance of taking care of their bodies and not treat mine as kindly. Lord knows I would love to stuff my face with pizza and some B&J, and while those foods are arguably the best foods, they are certainly not the healthiest. Isn't that what my body deserves?
Pizza and ice cream will still be there after these five extra weeks. But this Emma will not be there. This Emma is going to be reborn into the best version of herself in these seven weeks time, and that's better than any empty calorie.
I have the best friends in the world. Each time I'm down in the dumps, they always pick me up and dust me off, without exception.
Let me share with you a bit of wisdom that was sent my way this morning:
"Sometimes, things do not align out to the way you want them to be. In my opinion, true determination is tested when the plan changes. If you want it bad enough, you fight for it, regardless if the path gets shaky... People need to understand that just because a bump in the road knocks off your GPS, your goals, you can pick up the map and find the same path while gaining more skill."
Wow, you guys.
I'll tell you one thing. My determination is through the roof. I have not prepped for 25 weeks to quit because the last two weeks turned into seven.
I am bigger than this and I am stronger than that. I refuse to sink because the waters have gotten rough. I want this.
Sometimes, I have to just look at where I came from. What I have done to this body in 25 short weeks. (And just how tan I've gotten, hallelujah)
I have been told I am absolutely crazy for undergoing this type of prep. I know a normal person in their right mind would never do this!
But the day I called Darin Starr and asked to join his team, he said to me, "You are no longer an average person."
I'm proud to be who I am and work as hard as I do.
I know this couldn't be done by just anyone, and that's why I love it so much.
I am strong, healthy, and confident.
That will not change.
Not March 22nd.
Not April 26th.
Not ever.
Because I chose this, I continue to choose this, and I will always choose this.
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