Is This You?

Do you count every calorie you consume?

Do you eat less than or equal to 1200 calories everyday?

Do you get anxiety about going out with friends and family, because it may or may not affect the calories you're taking it?

Do you refuse to eat something if you don't know the nutrition facts of the item?

Do you weigh yourself every day?

Do you exercise for multiple hours a day?

Is food all that you think about?

If you answered yes to most of these, you may have or be developing an unhealthy relationship with the idea of "health".

I'm asking, because I've been there.

At one point in time, not to long ago, might I add, I answered YES!!! to all of this questions.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. My biggest regret in life is the fact that I let food and exercise completely consume me. I didn't care about anything else.

Here is a picture of my sorority's formal last Spring.

Despite the smile on my face, I was under a ton of anxiety. We were out at a restaurant with no nutrition facts, so how was I supposed to know what I was eating? Instead of fully enjoying myself, I was too busy worrying about what the food was going to do in my weightloss journey.

What a waste of energy.

I spend the summers with my parents for the most part. Two summers in a row I spent counting calorie after calorie and spent hours researching foods that I may or may not come in contact with. 

Instead of spending fun weekends with my parents, I would venture the city with them freaking out about food.

I get frustrated with myself just thinking about it.

Being a college student, I should have been excited about life and new adventures, not carbs, proteins, and fats.

I remember going to work with my favorite little boy whose family I worked for the entire summer. 

(This boy is the best boy in the entire universe, if you were wondering.)

One morning, I woke up and weighed myself. The scale fluctuated up a pound and a half, for whatever reason.

And I broke down.

Hard. 

As in, I couldn't stop crying. 

I walked over to the family's house and after one look at me, my boss asked me what was wrong, and told me to go back home and get some sleep and relax. She was the best boss I ever had, and was truly understanding. 

Your weight should never affect you that badly. 

The calories I did eat weren't even healthy!

I ate whatever I could get my hands on that was high in volume and low in calories. "If it fits, I'll eat it" That was my motto.

But at the same time, that meant I wouldn't eat an avocado or a bowl of oatmeal, because I didn't want to use my calories on anything that might take up too much of my allotted intake.

LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR:

LOW CALORIE DOES NOT EQUAL HEALTHY.

Ahem,

LOW CALORIE DOES NOT EQUAL HEALTHY.

Everyone, say hello to my best friend Tosh! We went on the world's best vacation this summer! (Despite the billion things that went wrong, LOL)

We went on our first road trip together and it was a blast.

But before hand, I remember sitting at the computer for hours trying to plan out the entire menu for the WEEK long trip she'd be with me.

That's how crazy I got.

Lucky for me, Tosh knows me and made it possible for me to enjoy our time together without worrying about every morsel of food going in.

And all of the food we ate was absolutely delicious.

Oh, yeah. 

Let's show you guys some of that!

Presenting: The world's biggest slice of pizza, and the world's most brutal sunburn.

Also, cute Tosh with my favorite tea <3

My point is, this was the most free part of my summer. When I let myself truly enjoy the people I was with. I spent real time with my best friend, lots of laughter, and a belly full of food without guilt.

I chose to be free.

You can chose it, too.

Let's further my point here.

The pale girl is before, the tan is now. Haha, like I how I differentiate? 

The girl on the left was miserable and obsessed. Lifting lots, lots of cardio, eating empty, but low calorie foods instead of eating pizza and laughing with her parents on Friday nights. 

The girl on the right eats (yes, I am on a meal plan, but you should see me when I get a cheat meal LORD MERCY), lifts heavy, and laughs. I eat much more than I used to, I don't even own a scale, and I treat my body with the respect it deserves. If I am fluffy one day, I own it. So what?

You know what matters more than your weight, and the calories you eat?

How you feel.

How strong you are.

Your energy levels.

Living your life to the fullest.

And your happiness.

Health isn't a number on a scale or the nutrition facts of an oreo vs an apple.

Life is about moderation! 

I can't believe I wasted so much time obsessing over that rather than spending time with the people that mean the most to me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying fill your body with shit food and expect results.

I like the 80/20 rule.

80% healthy, whole foods. (Ex: Chicken) 20% soul foods. (Ex: B&J)

Find balance!

Don't let food ruin your happiness.

Every calorie is not a war.

It isn't a war.