Expectations And Reality

I AM BACK.

Today, I'm going to talk about my favorite thing: me.
Just kidding... but I am pretty fond of myself.

So here it is: Let's talk about expectations versus reality.
This topic is basically my life right now, and I feel like it is something EVERYONE can relate to.

So, back in August when I was following competitors on Instagram and I got the itch to compete, I had a handful of favorite competitors.
The Queens of Competing, if you will.
In my mind they did no wrong, they ate every marco and never took an extra spoonful of pb, they did every minute of cardio and drank every last sip of water.
Also (In my head) They did it with a smile that could split their face in half! THEY LOVED LIFE AND THEY LOVED PREP.

Fast forward to MY prep experience.
Lots of happiness, lots of gains, lots of perfect days, and perfect lifts.
BUT, also lots of tears, lots of hating cardio, lots of extra spoonfuls of peanut butter, and shitty workouts.

"We feel bad about our process because we compare our behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reels."
TOO TRUE PEOPLE.

I'm writing this post, because although I am a personal trainer, nutrition and fitness student, and an aspiring bikini competitor, I NEVER want anyone to think I do this without a flaw.
It's not realistic.

Let's just address a perfect example of my point.

Expectation: 1/2 Cup serving of delicious mint cookie ice cream.

Reality: LOL EAT ALL THE ICE CREAM. #creamcoma

I stumbled across this and it really got me thinking.

Be the person you needed when you were younger.

When I was younger, I needed understanding. I needed to know that food wasn't a punishment. It was meant to be enjoyed and it was meant to nourish my body. It was intended to help me gain self-love instead of self-loathing. Some people will never truly understand how good your body is designed to feel with proper nutrition, and I am so thankful that I now know the difference.

I have slipped up more often than not since choosing to compete in August, but I am human.

I'm not going to beat myself up for struggling. Competition prep was all I knew for six straight months and it isn't REALISTIC to expect perfection from myself when I am given the opportunity to have things I haven't in so long, although that was my expectation.

One of my favorite competitors looked AMAZING when she competed last Spring. She uploaded a picture to mark the beginning of her second season and had gained quite a substantial bit of weight back. And I won't lie, and I am not proud of this, but I frowned upon her a bit. I was disappointed that she didn't work to stay lean.

But that was because I didn't understand the difficulties that one goes through in an off season. I get it now, and I feel terrible for thinking less of her "self-control."

Today, I went to GNC to pick up some protein and my FIRST shaker! I was super excited! The clerk even referred to me as the "quest bar girl" Whoops.

"Aren't you going to get your quest bars today?"

"I mean.. well, if you insist.."

*BUYS ALL QUESTIES IN THE STORE*

And while I was rummaging through the store and looking through all of the options, the clerk said to me: "I heard you were supposed to compete but then you backed out."

Ouch.

I would be lying if I said that didn't sting, because it stung like a bitch.

Going into competition prep, my expectation was to compete March 22nd and August 2nd.

The reality is, my first show was cancelled, and I couldn't put myself through the mental warfare that would come from prepping for another show when I wasn't ready. 

But to be called out by a complete stranger and be made to be a quitter really bothers me. 

I didn't quit, I took care of myself first.

I chose myself over a competition.

And even though hearing someone say that to me felt like a stab to the chest, I stand by my decision and I am proud of it.

You never really understand another person's journey. Going through something this stressful and difficult has taught me to never judge someone else's choices. People have different motivations for different things.

On a happy note, I picked up JAVAPRO! It's literally protein and coffee. There is COFFEE in my protein. If you know me, you get why this was an obvious choice.

Since I am able to eat more than I have since September, my coach and I have switched over to IIFYM! So I have been up to some experimenting in the kitchen. It's been quite a ride for my taste buds.

So the right is myself this morning. The left is my VERY FIRST progress picture from February 2013. I am not my leanest anymore, and I won't be until my coach and I cut again. I do miss being leaner, but you know what? This journey is so much more than that. I look at where I started, not just physically, but emotionally.

I am not the same person I was then.

For starters, I have built a booty. 

I have gained so much muscle. 

My clothes fit better.

I smile more.

I have confidence.

I have pride in myself. 

I have inspired other women to achieve their best health.

That's all I ever wanted.

Sometimes, it makes me sad to see how hard we are on ourselves.

We try everyday.

Some of us have full-time jobs.

Some of us are full-time students.

Some of us are full-time parents.

Some of us are all of the above.

Too often people focus on one particular part of their life and claim that that is what "makes or breaks them" when it comes to their success.

But we have so many faucets. 

I suck a math and science, but I am good in English and music.

I have really strong legs, but I hate leg day.

I am not good at drawing, but I love to read.

Cooking isn't my best strength, but I adore baking.

I grew up with low self-esteem, but I fought to be better for myself.

I became the person I needed when I was younger.

"We are all human. We all break down. Just don't unpack and live there. Cry your tears, pick yourself back up, and move on."

We may not always live up to our expectations, but that's life. 

Love and make the most of your reality.

I know I am.