I'm not competing in April.
I'm not competing in May or June or July.
I'm not.
Ever since I found out about my show cancellation, all of my drive and motivation was taken with my show.
I didn't want to eat the same meals anymore, and I didn't want to do cardio. I didn't want one tablespoon of peanut butter, I wanted ten!
I slipped and slid all over my diet and even though I never missed a lift, I still felt crappy.
I wanted the freedom that was supposed to come with my show being over, and I couldn't accept that it just wasn't the case anymore. I was tied to another show when I had already mentally shut down.
So I woke up.
I have been preaching that you should never go to extremes with your diet if you aren't happy with your LIFE. Your diet should never be your LIFE.
And mine was exactly that.
I didn't go out with friends, my smile never reached the bags under my eyes, and I was dragging my feet to make it through the day.
When I started prep, I was so happy. I loved my meal prep, I love the lifting. I was in LOVE with the lifestyle I adopted.
And I have granted myself the opportunity to remind myself why I fell in love with it in the first place.
So my coach and I have decided to pump the breaks.
I'll be competing in Tennessee in August.
That's four and a half months away.
I get to play around with flexible dieting, because I have missed freedom in the kitchen. I absolutely adore baking and cooking, and I'm excited to get creative again!
I will be lifting heavy, just like I love, and not doing tons of cardio, which I hate.
I had a fitness photoshoot with one of my close friends, Jessa Warren, WHO IS AMAZING.
I had the time of my life running around the gym and posing! She is an incredible photographer, so keep your eyes peeled! As soon as she posts some of the photos, I promise to show you guys! I love what she was able to do! :D
After the shoot, we ATE! That's right, I went out to dinner with my friends!
IT WAS AMAZING.
We ate until our stomachs ached and we laughed so loud the entire restaurant could hear us.
This is one of the things I have missed the most. The ability to hang out with friends without the anxiety that accompanies competing.
"Oh my gosh, I don't have my meal prep with me."
"What are the macros of this meal?"
"All I should drink is water."
Nope, none of those things crossed my mind for that hour. That's freedom.
This is a picture from my bootcamp I had this Saturday.
It was a blast! Everyone laughed the entire time and it made fitness fun! I even worked out with all of my ladies (and a few gentlemen). I absolutely love being a trainer, and I know that I am going to look forward to all the Saturday bootcamps to come.
Sunday I hung out with some girlfriends again! We walked around downtown and looked at the all the cute shops (Including Hot Box Cookies)
And as I type this, I am in St. Louis with my boyfriend and his wonderful family. Andrew and I finally were able to get our smoothies, which were a tradition before I started prep. And I got to swing by Trader Joes for some cookie butter!
This weekend, I decided to breathe. To take a step back from the gym and the tupperware and just remember what it was like six months ago when I ate when I was hungry, and I ate what everyone else was eating.
With that being said, I will be back on prep tomorrow.
I am going grocery shopping tonight to stock up on all the things I need to make a fun week's worth of prep! I can't wait to try out new things in the kitchen! I am still in love with being healthy. 110%. It's the best decision I have ever made, and I will always be grateful to the Emma in September who decided to take a stab at this lifestyle. I feel refreshed and so happy.
The weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.
I would like to apologize to any one that I have let down through making this decision. I truly apologize. I am asking for your understanding. It wasn't an easy decision, but I am taking care of my mental health. I want to be happy and healthy. And that is exactly what I am doing.
Stay fit! <3
This is YOUR Journey Emma -and sure: you inspire friends, family and strangers alike... the real inspiration does not come from the "end date" or the competition itself... you chose that path in order to satisfy a personal goal/accomplishment... The real inspiration comes from watching you not give up on yourself - on your health, your fitness, your well-being. Watching you LOVE what you do each day. So this is all just as beautiful. And REAL. And part of the process of remaining true to ourselves in the midst of attaining our goals. No Apologies necessary. Like one of my role models Shameless Maya says: "Do You Boo"! And I hope you have tons of fun exploring the areas of nutrition that make this fun for you. Whatever decisions you make down the road - I am very proud & Happy to follow and share in your journey exactly as you are today. Virtual Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! You are the sweetest. I am really enjoying myself right now! I haven't felt better in months! Lifting heavy and eating are my favorite things, and I can already tell that my body is grateful for the change. Although it was a difficult decision, I know it was the right one. Thank you so much for your support, I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. <3
DeleteLOVE this!!! Although I did my show, sooo many seemed shocked that I didn't enjoy the stage. Mentally, I was BURNED THE F OUT. I have no desire to compete again any time soon (never say never) but it has been a struggle to let go of the 'prep life' and ease back into not counting macros, and simply drinking a cappuccino. I've never struggled with weight and have always been very slender and lean. I have never had to care about my eating habits or count macros so the prep consumed me. I'm a perfectionist, it became my life. Now that it's no longer my life, I am slowly easing into eating what I feel like. But I still feel guilty :( So what if I ate an entire of pb this weekend! Guess what, the world keeps spinning. So what if I have a little muffin top this summer, who cares?!! Not my husband! I deleted MyFitnessPal from my phone in an attempt to let go of "cheating" meals. Baby steps, right? That being said, pat yourself on the back! I applaud you for doing this and not feeling like you need to do it just because at one time you said you'd do it RIGHT NOW. Keep on keepin' on, girl! - jesshamp10fit
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you're coming from. While there are so many benefits to competing, a lot of people fail to realize what it's like to be totally consumed with macros and calories. It makes it difficult to be comfortable about food or think about anything else! Being a competitor consumes your life. It depends on the person whether or not that's a good thing. I'm glad you're becoming comfortable with an everyday lifestyle. Cappuccinos are too good to miss, girl.
DeleteOh, and the pb, don't even get me started. Haha.
Thank you for the love, girl!