Me, Myself, and Prep.

Coffee and Comedy brought to you by my kitchen table on the third floor of my ghetto-fabulous apartment:

Welcome, back!

If you're new, it's nice to meet ya. :)

Today, I endeavor to be real with you guys.

A lifestyle change is hard. It's so hard.

Whether you decide to pick a new career, move to another country, or take on the lifestyle of a competitor, it's freaking hard.

For myself, it's hard both mentally and physically.

My journey takes a mental toll, and guys, I've been loosing lately.

I try to keep a brave face going, because I know it means a lot to the people who are struggling along side me. It helps to look to someone who will tell you everything is fine, and that's what I've been trying to do. But all I want is some good ol' fashion pancakes and a tub or two of B&J.

Would anyone believe those things don't fit my prep? I know, I can't believe it either.

And while my body looks the best it ever has, and I'm thrilled about that, I'm just drained.

My motivation was deteriorating.

Notice, the word was.

I keep a nice little list on my fridge where I can see it every day.

I made this list on the 16th of September.

Two days before I started prep.

Oh this handy-dandy list are over twenty reasons the old, overweight and unhappy Emma decided to start prep.

Some of the things on this list, I have conquered.

For example:

1. Rounded hammies and nice legs. (PSH, GIRL CHECK)

2. For the new clothes. (Just picked up these bad boys for my upcoming photoshoot with THE Jessa Warren)

3. To motivate other girls.

This one is one of my favorite reasons. I cannot even express the overwhelming happiness I feel each time a girl (or boy) e-mails me telling me that I am the reason they have decided to get healthy. That's an incredible blessing. Thinking about it now even makes my eyes water. It's the best part of this entire process.

So while I have completed a bit of my list, I haven't finished it all.

I don't have a six pack, I haven't competed yet, and I'm not sure why the hell I even wrote down, "For the energy" LOL. Naive little me, I had no idea how much energy I would sacrifice doing this. 

All jokes aside, 

I'm so close to my show and I'm burnt out, but don't I owe it to myself to see this through?

Reason #1:

"To prove to myself that I can do this."

I haven't done that yet, but I can promise you, that I will.

So today, while I was thinking about how much this entire process means to me, I decided to give myself the gift of a constant reminder.

A tattoo.

This is dopamine. 

Well, the chemical compound structure of dopamine.

It stands for motivation, passion, and love.

Love for myself, my health, and my body.

Passion for reaching out to others, pushing my limits, and never settling.

Motivation to pursue my dreams and aspirations and to do so ruthlessly.

I have learned so much about taking care of myself. This is hands down the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Taking the chance to be healthy, confident, and inspirational.

Regardless of the odds being stacked against me and a past of always being overweight and inactive.

I decided to not play the victim.

I decided to be my own hero. 

So, everyone, here is to reaching for those dreams and holding on for dear life.

Here's to fighting the odds.

Here's to the doubters and the haters.

Here's to us.

(#rocky)